Taking your power back

I have started reading "Women Who Run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, I have actually owned the book for a couple of years now but have not read it until this last week. It was time and many things have fallen into place for this book to come into my life. I have been going through some internal conflict and trying to remain the peacemaker in a very hostile relationship. My belief was I had no way out of it, that I was powerless in some way. I had been playing the victim for so long that I was finally exhausted from silence. As my therapist puts it, the hooks were being thrown and I was the log sitting there being hooked. I thought that was the best way to deal with the situation. What I started to realize was the toll it was taking on my soul, on the Wild Woman that I am.

If you have read the book, then you understand the term Wild Woman, and if you have not what I can say is this - it is not the image that you just painted in your mind. It is not the out of control Wild, it is actually the woman that has her pelt on and stands strong, while still running wild with what is in her soul. You see I have remained silent for too long, I grew up in a culture that silence is best for a woman. I grew up in a society that says silence is respectful, and to learn to adapt to people so that you remain in acceptable social form. I have been able to show who I really am in many aspects of my life. Confrontation is one of those places that I have felt it is best to be silent and things will work out. I couldn't have been more wrong. You see, what I am learning is that I have to share my voice for me. I can not be silent when people are trying to attack me any way that they can. It does not mean that I have to attack or that giving any emotion to this will help at all, that will actually take my power away. What I have to do is create a boundary that is so tight, so small that everything outside of that is no longer within my energy space.

You see, we all are instinctual in nature and we all have the wild woman archetype within us. What I am learning is the beauty and strength of my female nature. I have brought two remarkable children through my body into this world, and I have nourished lives, and cared for others. But through that and through relationships and some societal expectations I have forgotten the Wild Woman in me, the fearless being, the creative being, the primal being. I have let my silence take me over, and I have let my expectations of what I should be allow me to be silent. My voice has been lost, and I have found it once again. I am ridding myself of guilt and shame, and I am going to feed my hunger for power, grace, love and creativity. I will not allow myself to be taken advantage of, nor will I allow myself to be quiet any longer. I encourage others to speak your truth, to live a life that is full of passion and joy, to be proud of who you are. To walk through the door to your life, to walk in strength and passion. To stand up and be vulnerable and state your needs and wants. I encourage you to stand tall, put your pelt on and not allow others to take your power. This will create a peaceful life, one that you are the driver of. This is not about fighting or confrontation, this is about standing in your power, tall and proud and singing the songs of life and spirit through you. All struggle, anxiety and confrontations are gone when you stand and be you, the fearless you. No guilt, no shame, no fear.....YOU, beautiful, strong, primal, confident, creative, emotional and passionate. That is who you are, all the other stuff is just what we have learned. I am standing, honoring myself, loving myself and not allowing anyone the power to take any of this away. Own your power, stand in your magnificence the world needs us. Namaste :)

Yes, You are ENOUGH!

You are Enough!

No matter what they have told you

You are enough

No matter how you feel

You are enough

The days where you feel you can’t get it right

You are enough

The days that are dark inside

You are enough

The moments of doubt

You are enough

The moments of fear

You are enough

The days that you are being knocked over by other’s words

You are enough

The days where no one seems to notice the tears

You are enough

Stand up now, and hold your head high

You are enough

Stand up and let your soul shine

You are enough

 

~Cristina Alfaro

Believe in you. Love you. Be you. Don’t let anyone take your power, stand tall and mighty. When we feel as if we don’t have the strength to get up, believe in the love in your heart, the strength in your soul, and be fearlessly and shamelessly you. Namaste :)

 

Life is to be lived!

Why do we take so much for granted in our lives? I have been thinking all night about how we are so emotional and up and down as a human species. We experience anger, depression, anxiety, worry, sadness and along with that we experience joy, peace, bliss, fun, happy. These are all beautiful in their own ways. It is difficult to sometimes see past the days of worry or sadness, sometimes we are overwhelmed by all that is in our head. I get it, I really do....this is what happens to me!

But what happens when we stop and think about our lives, I mean really think about them? Look around you, take a deep breath of fresh air, and sense what is around and in us. Life! It is all around us, and completely consumes us. Every where I look right now, I see something beautiful. The blanket on me that is so warm, the clocks ticking in the background (my husband collects them, just in case you were wondering why the clocks?), the sound of my daughter rustling about getting ready for bed, the beauty of reading wonderful blogs and stories on the internet. The twinkling city lights outside, the clear sky lit by the moon, the comfortable couch I am sitting on, and the comfort and company of myself.

I read a blog just a little bit ago, by Chance Scoggins, you can read it here, and it made me change my attitude of frustration tonight. It reminded me that there are dreams to be brought to life, there is fear to overcome, there is love to be felt, and there is so much life to be lived. We get so caught up sometimes thinking about what bills have to be paid, what is coming next, why things may not be working out, why we lose people in our lives, why we have days we can't seem to get through and yet there is life to be lived. I truly believe that we are not here to figure every detail out, we are here to enjoy everything life has to offer. Believe in yourself, believe in all that you know in your heart that life can be, believe in love, believe that we can have and be and do whatever we want. Blind faith is so hard, and yet if we trusted the process of life and just enjoyed, my goodness what would happen? I will tell you what would happen, we would live authentically, vulnerably, joyously and so peacefully. We would laugh and not worry, we would smile and not scowl, we would feel so much love and so much happiness we probably wouldn't know what to do with ourselves. I am trying, and I know countless others who are too, but it is the times in life where I have had blind faith that the best things have happened, and living without stress is a pretty amazing feeling. Take a chance, get outside, laugh, love, get excited, jump, dance, do whatever it takes to get your vibration higher, get out there and live this life!! Namaste :)

In dedication to my first teacher: Louise Hay

Back in 2006 my life came apart at the seams and my foundation crumbled. Life was falling apart, and it felt like there was nothing left to live for. I was depressed and contemplated ending life, but something deep inside led me to a different path. It was time to make a decision, and that decision took months to figure out but one fateful day I was introduced to Louise Hay’s teachings.

If you have not read Louise Hay, it is with a strong opinion that you do. She is the founder of Hay House, and she is an absolutely incredible and inspiring soul. She has helped millions find a voice, and see their own light. She saved my life, she was put in my path at the exact right time. She taught me that every word I speak and every thought I think is creating my future. She taught me that I, yes I can heal my own life. There is no one else who can change your life, or make it better or worse - only you can. Her book “You Can Heal Your Life” was the book that I read first in this life long journey of creating a joyous, peaceful and loving life.

About 4 years ago I was able to attend an I Can Do It Conference in San Diego, and it was there that I was able to meet this incredible woman who showed me how to heal myself and my life. I was able to thank her personally for what she had done. It has been one of the absolute most treasured moments in my life. Her energy is healing, compassionate and so loving I will never forget that moment. She appeared in my life through a show on Oprah, she looked in to the camera and said “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear” and my life has not been the same ever since.

I thank her, and so many teachers after that for helping me remember my authentic self, and for sharing their wisdom with the world. So many people in this world are fearlessly sharing their talents and passions, and affecting so many lives. This blog has been my way to reach others, to become a part of a community of like minded people and to share whatever I have learned along the way. Brene Brown taught me to embrace vulnerability, and this blog was created from that. I thank everyone who has reached out to me to share their story, and their wisdom. I thank the universe for continuing to guide me along the way. No matter what anyone believes as far as religion, we can all agree that love and compassion are the way. Thank you for continuing to read and share, Namaste :)

 

Living creatively to get in touch with your authenticity

Discovering our own path sometimes seems so difficult. I have been thinking about this and I have been contemplating my path. I know that when I am feeling great, I am on the path that is in alignment with who I am. I have recently been out of alignment with my authentic self and tons of self doubt shouting at me. I wonder often, am I on the right path? But I don't believe there is a right or wrong path, there is just being in alignment with who we really are.

My belief is that we have all come to live in this physical world to share our magnificence with everyone here. I sometimes lose sight of that bigger picture, and recently I have been focusing on the small things that distract me. This weekend I have had a lot of creative ideas flowing through me, and I learned that is when I feel best. When I am creating, I love coming up with ideas that help others live their authentic selves, and I love creating things that fill me with joy. I have millions of thoughts and ideas, and sometimes I don't do anything because I can't choose which one. But I have been learning (especially over the last year) to just be kind to myself, no judging, just accept who I am. And when I do that, I criticize myself less and I trust my inner guidance more. I am excited to put some of these ideas to paper and start creating. I thought of a great project that my kids can help me on with their ridiculous artistic talents. And I am finding my joy through this.

I know that my thoughts create my future, and lately I haven't been focusing on that. So today is a fresh start, as each day is. Today is a day to remind myself to put some affirmations up in my car, and to start saying them each day. I encourage you to do the same. If life has been distracting you from doing the things you love, I strongly encourage you to take the time today to write down three or four affirmations to get you back on track. Start creating something, it will ignite the passion in life. Living authentically, and joyously is the way to creating the life that you are dreaming of in that beautiful chaotic brain :) Create joy, create peace, and create the life you have imagined.

I am creative.
My creativity is always in demand.
I am living my life being authentic to myself.
I am filled with joy and peace.
The universe is conspiring in my favor!!!

My lessons in life

I feel as if right now I am getting the chance to learn some lessons in life. Seems as if this is an ongoing process, and sometimes there seems to be more lessons than other times. My mission in life is to simply enjoy everything that life has to offer. I lived so long in survival mode, and I lived most of my life as a co-dependent. I always made sure there was an addict in my life so that there was always someone else to save and to fix. What I was really avoiding all along was dealing with myself. When you are in a relationship with an addict, you get to focus all of your attention on them, and you control the situation. At least that is what you feel like, that you are in control because you know what to expect, and you always have to be the strong person for them.

For the last 5 years I have been free of living with any addicts in my life and I have been able to start dealing with my own issues, insecurities and building the life I want. I wanted a healthy and peaceful life filled with love and joy. And it took a ton of self work, and lots of therapy and meditation, but I did it. I created it. The funny thing is all these years later, I am still working on some of the same things. I am beginning to understand that you will deal with life lessons until you have truly learned from them. And that means something different for everyone. I see when I stop reacting to things, the lessons start minimizing their time in my life.

The difficult part sometimes is being kind to yourself and looking outside of the mess in your mind. As a species we are really great at saying we are going to change, but deep down the worry is still there. It is like the underlying darkness in an otherwise light filled and beautiful world. It feels as if this moment in my life is about standing up for myself, and relying on myself as my strength. It is scary for me, and yet it is liberating. I have been on this journey with myself and I feel like the time has come to break free from the underlying darkness. And I have to bring my fears out of the shadows, and let them free. It is time to get rid of the chaos in my mind, the dichotomy of my old self vs. new self, because in reality it is not separated, I have simply changed and evolved. And through all of this there is this feeling of peace and joy inside that I am starting to truly love who I am, and that my imperfection is the perfection of my life. Namaste :)

 

Through the dramas and distractions, remember your magnificence!

I saw this quote posted by Anita Moorjani today, and it resonated so deeply with me. We get caught up in the distractions and dramas that sometimes it feels as if we forget our bigger place in this universe. It is so true, that we never become disconnected from who we truly are, we can return to our authentic self at any time. We may let things take over and distract us, but we are always there for ourselves. We just have to connect, to take the time to find the joy in our lives and the appreciation for this expansive universe that we live in. Our physical self is but a reflection of our higher self. We are all here to learn lessons and to live the physical form in alignment with our higher self. Each day we work at it, each day we have opportunities to see the joy, some days we just have to purposefully change our direction in thoughts.

Living each day try to remember the bigger picture in life, and remember the things we worried about even a year ago have changed and gone. Live today with your magnificence shining through, have a deep belly laugh, dance, do yoga, take a walk and drink in the sun. Whatever it is that helps you remember your higher self and how magnificent you are, that is what you focus on. All the dramas and distractions are merely passing energy. You have not lost yourself or disconnected, you simply forgot. We can always go within and remember. Namaste :)

Some days are harder than others to find the joy

Over the last weekend, I was able to put my teachings and everything I learn into practice I have to admit, I struggled. Every day I make the conscious choice to live joyously and with peace. Some days are harder than others. I have a wonderful, encouraging and loving support system in my husband and children, and as always they were there to help me along and remind me of all to appreciate in life.

I have so much to be thankful for, and yet I let things get to me sometimes. I give my power away, and that is so toxic. It happens to all of us, and it is how we get out of it that matters. In Buddhism, I am taught to sit with the emotions, don’t judge them sit with them. I made a choice at one point to not hide or judge the way I was feeling, but to just sit with it. And then eventually you see that it is just no big deal in the big picture of life. That lesson is sacred, Buddhism has taught me to be okay with how I feel no matter what that is. Which makes today easier to look back and say, it is okay that you let it get to you but it is time to move on. That is so incredibly empowering to me.

I have the opportunity in my life to stand tall, and to choose joy over any thing in the past. I have also surrounded myself with people who help me move forward and who encourage my strength and joy. My daughter is one of those people. I am so grateful for how close we are, and she so brilliantly pointed out that the one thing we have that people can’t touch is our happiness. We are a happy family that loves life, and we enjoy every day together. And she is so right, we have created a joyous environment in our home and with each other. Fights don’t happen in our home, we laugh, we are peaceful, and we are surrounded by love. I consciously made the decision to not have toxic relationships filled with anger, resentment and bitterness. For this I am eternally grateful for this life. So make the conscious choice to not have anger or bitterness in your life....choose joy and choose peace. Once you choose it, practice it each day. Even when you are sitting with negative thoughts, or you just feel like retreating from the world. Be kind to yourself, don’t judge your thoughts, practice maitri. Namaste :)

 

Our biggest fear is being alive

"To be alive is the biggest fear humans have, death is not the biggest fear we have. Our biggest fear is to be alive and to express what we really are" Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

I started listening to the audio book "The Four Agreements" this morning, and this quote just struck me. Our biggest fear is being alive, and expressing who we really are. How true is that? If you think about your biggest fears, what are they? Is it not having enough money? Being alone? Being in pain? What stops you each day?

These are some questions to contemplate, and it made me think if I had no fears what would I do? We push ourselves away from what we truly are because we worry about what society would think, or what might happen if we stepped in to the life that would be so authentic to ourselves. I am excited about getting through this book, as this was in the first half hour of the book. This has already made me think so much about my fears and about expressing my authentic self no matter where I am. Living my authentic self is when I feel best, and if you follow your internal navigation of "does it feel right" I am on the right path whenever I am being authentic. I am enough, I am deserving, I am capable of all that I dream of. These I am statements are so powerful, and help keep you on your authentic journey. So take stock of where you are at in life, are you being authentic to who you are, or are you following the agreements made by society, family or yourself?

What if you had it all?

This morning I decided I would have a pretend day. Yup, a pretend day that is what I said :) I read a book called "The Map" by Boni Lonnsburry and she made the suggestion to live a day as if you already had all the money you ever dreamed of. Like you had hit the lottery, and just imagine how you would feel throughout the day. The point is to live the feeling to attract the physical manifestation of it. Of course, not to go out and spend a bunch of your money, but to live as if you had won the lottery and that you already have everything you would have bought with it. So I decided today, that I would do this practice.

Pretending it helps activate the emotion that you are wanting so it isn't as if you are lying to yourself. And even if you are, so what? What is the worst that can happen - oh yea you could actually manifest it. My son and I were driving to his school this morning and I told him I would do this, he asked me so what does it feel like. I said I feel so free and happy, and I told him when I get to work today and have my first sip of coffee I would savor it. It is my favorite coffee, and I savored it and I knew not to worry because everything in my financial life was taken care of. I also put on some of my favorite music when I was driving to work, one in particular that I helped write for my husband. And I cried because I was so grateful for all that our love is. There is a part of the song that says: "When you took me by the hand and shined your light upon my world" and I thought of how much he has helped me see the beauty and the brilliance of life. He has brought so much vibrant color in to my world, and most of all he helped me believe in me. And as I was crying on the way to work thinking about how lucky I was to have my husband and my two children I was overcome with gratitude for them and for my life. I also cried because I have come so far and I have done so much over the last 5 and a half years, that I have come to believe in me and I have learned to find peace and joy within. So what if I had it all? Well I do, and I live today as if I had $300 million dollars in my account, because perhaps all I had to do was feel it to let go of the worries to have it.

So what would you do if you had it all? If money was no worry, if you had the love in your life that you want, or if you had the perfect job what would that feel like. Try to live a day in that feeling, you will activate the energy and it is universal law that it will come to you. So savor the cup of coffee, or your lunch, or the sun shining. Whatever it is for you, experience it today, right now and all your dreams and wishes will be activated and on their way. Namaste :)

Slowing Down

I just came back from my wedding/honeymoon in Anguilla (I included a picture of my favorite beach on this blog!). Anguilla is a British West Indies Island in the Caribbean. I never thought about how busy my mind is while I am home and working in my every day life. I love my life, and I feel like there is always more to do, and sometimes I even feel lazy. So we planned our honeymoon, and we intended to be secluded and just relax. What shocked me most, was how hard it was for me to actually slow down. It took me a couple of days to be able to just settle. Once I did, oh my gosh it was like living in meditation.

The island and the soothing ocean seduced my soul to slow down, and just be. It was so incredible, and it was so peaceful. For several days my biggest decision was, do I go in the pool first
or the ocean to swim. I know, rough life! Toward one of the last days on island, I was lying there and I literally forgot about everything, I even forgot I was a Mom. It is as if I was in a living meditation. During meditation our goal is to just be still, and let our thoughts go, and that is what I was living. It was so incredible, so relaxing, and so incredibly peaceful. I had dreamt of being in the Caribbean for so many years now, and I always knew I would feel at peace there, but I had no idea. I have never felt such an inner peace and stillness. I forgot about the stresses of life, and I was in a state of appreciation for things that matter. I was so grateful for the people in my life, and for being able to explore a piece of the world I had never been. Here is what I know, I miss it like I didn't think I would, and I fell in love with slowing down. All of our stresses and worries, are really just a distraction from our authentic selves....life goes on, enjoy it. Enjoy the people in your life, enjoy the quiet, enjoy the stillness. Life is meant to be enjoyed and experienced, so go do something that you love. It is tough to be back to work and the daily grind, but it is different this time. It is like I found a piece of my soul, and I love it. Namaste :)