Taking Time

I started reading a book with two of my friends called "A Book That Takes Its Time" by Irene Smit and Astrid Van der Hulst. We found the book on a recent trip to Redmond, OR. Me and my friend drove to Bend, OR to visit another friend who had just moved there. We decided to drive to Redmond and Sisters, OR for the day. While walking around the quaint little downtown of Redmond we came upon a small bookstore, it was a lovely place called Herringbone Books in Historic downtown. We walked in and the smell of books was amazing. As we were perusing titles one of my friends came upon this book and we all decided to complete it together. Even though we live in different cities, we thought how nice it would be to complete it as a group. Holding each other accountable and sharing what we find sounded like a perfect idea. It just so happened the gentleman behind the counter had just purchased the bookstore the day before. He was really amazing and we all bonded over the love of books and stories.

The book is about taking time to reflect on the good things in life and for carving out space to create. One of the first things the authors talk about is finding time to do nothing. That often times it is in the moments we carve out to be still that so much can come to you. In the day and age of technology that we are in I find it harder and harder to sit and do nothing. Meditation is something I have been working on bringing back into my life, and this book seems to come at the exact right moment, as everything seems to. I am looking forward to the journey with my incredible friends!

I finished another book recently that really hit home, Waking Up In Winter by Cheryl Richardson. In the book she makes a remark that hit deep, she said she realized she has more years behind her than ahead. This has really become a reality in my life now that I am entering my mid 40's. Perhaps I can live a long life, I don't know but I know that in my family history it is probably a true statement. This has really been something I have been thinking about so much recently. I am not sure yet what this all means for me but I am starting to meditate on it and to really dig deep on what this means. I know that appreciating each day is important, but the knowing that as I get older the years are passing by so fast, quicker than ever is becoming real that life is so short. I want to live my life with more purpose, more intention. I want to spend more time with the people I love, but I also want to cultivate a relationship with myself that is more loving and kind. I am starting to listen to my body more and resting when needed. I am wanting to make decisions with the intention of living my authentic self and to make decisions that honor what brings me joy. It seems almost selfish, but it is becoming necessary for me. I wonder if I were to die tomorrow have I really done all that I can in this life? There is so much I want to do, so many places I wish to see. I am trying to find the balance of money, bills but also travel. One step at a time, that is what keeps coming to me, to just take it one step at a time, but be sure to put intention to all that I do. I am starting to ask myself "does this decision align with what I want in life?" This is becoming a more important question with each decision and each year that passes by. I am not sure yet how my life will develop and where this all leads, but I know there has been a shift deep within and taking a little step each day is what is important. I am also starting to take chances on things that maybe I wouldn't have before, because if you don't take chances you'll never be able to get to where you really want. There is another quote in Mary Oliver's poem The Summer Day that is really aligned with how I am feeling, "What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" What a GREAT question, and one that is resonating so deeply within me right now. So ask yourself, what is it you plan to do? Namaste :) 

Kindness and Yoga

It has been three months since I had back surgery, a microdiscectomy on my L5 - S1. Last April I felt a pain in my back out of nowhere, I can still remember the exact moment, I was walking into my kitchen and I felt a twinge in my lower back. I thought to myself "odd, wonder what that was" and by the next morning I could barely walk out of work. For the next seven months I experienced back pain, numbness in my foot and my sciatica was screaming at me most days. There were days where my leg would give out and I would be in so much pain. I thought I was pretty healthy, I had started working out several months prior, but wasn't so consistent and I jumped into a group workout program and less yoga. 

The seven months of my injury taught me so much about myself and my body, and especially about my mind. I gained a little over ten pounds over the course of seven months and I struggled with staying mentally healthy. Working out for me, specifically running and yoga keep my mind happy and settled. I don't know that I will be able to run again, the impact of running on my back scares the crap out of me to be honest. I was cleared to work out again in late January, then I got sick. Bronchitis and a couple rounds of antibiotics and a cough that has lingered for the better part of a month. This week I started back in yoga, and if I am being honest with you I was terrified to go back. I felt like a kid starting a new school. I was anxious and really didn't want to go. I did it though, I got myself back into the studio, where it is overwhelmingly hot when you first go. I go to a Bikram studio, it is the yoga practice I love the most. The warmth of the room helps me focus and allows me to be more flexible than normal. I still can't get into all the poses, and after being away for more than 6 months, I was brand new again. I talked to the teacher and let her know that I was back and that my goal was to stay in the room and listen to my body, she agreed that was a perfect focus. I allowed myself to listen to my body and to gently get through the class. My fears immediately went away and for the next hour I focused solely on my body, feeling the poses, paying attention to the messages it was giving me and being in the moment. I felt back at home, and for that hour nothing else crossed my mind, which is why I love yoga so much. At the end of class I was drenched in sweat and I was exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. I slept better than I had in months that night, and I thanked my body for the strength to get through my first class back. Each class will get better and easier while being more challenging as I allow my body to get deeper into each pose, and my mind will once again have a reprieve each day. 

I told myself that this year I would be kinder to myself and all others. Taking care of my physical health is one of the steps to take care of the whole me. I haven't always taken care of myself, and this year I am making it a priority. It feels good. As I meditate a little each day, get myself to yoga and eat a plant based diet I am seeing that my mind, body and spirit are all connected and I am honoring myself each day. It is a remarkable thing to feel and watch in yourself when you make the decision to be kinder to yourself, and when you take care of the body that does so much for you, the mind that is so beautiful when in balance and the spirit that helps guide you to a truly authentic life. Namaste.