The Tides Will Turn

As I sit and write this today, I am reminded of a journey that has taken me years to get through. A journey that was so challenging and so hopeless at times that I wanted to give up. I started a gratitude journal 30 days ago, and as I re-read it this morning I realized how much my life has changed, for the better. I was reminded earlier by someone that I love so much, my brother, of these times that were so challenging to me. It is so hard when you are in the middle of a treacherous storm, when you are trying so hard to stay positive, and you are trying with all of your heart to do what is right - and the tides are just beating you against the rocks. It seems as if the seas within will never be calm, that you will never see the calm power of the ocean that you are in. This reminded me of so many years in my life, I didn't think the pain would ever end. I didn't think that the challenges that I was facing would ever be peaceful. But, I am here so many years later living such a peaceful life. I have learned so much from all of it, and I cherish peace in my life the most. As I re-read my gratitude journal entries for the last month I see that each day I mention how grateful I am for peace in my life. So, if you are going through a storm and the oceans are rough, stay your course....steady and strong. Keep your head up and know that you will find the peace, that the good that you are doing will overcome any challenge you face. It may not seem like it right now, but it will. I thank my husband for teaching me this lesson, and for staying the course with me, I am forever grateful. Namaste :)

Daily Gratitude

Many years ago I came across this poem. It struck a chord deep within and it was a reminder that I need to live this life with great courage and no fear. So often I worry about things, and I always prove to myself that there is no need to worry. Over the past month I have come to understand that there is truly no need to worry. Everything always works out just as it should, ALWAYS. I promised myself a long time ago that I will not die an unlived life. This poem is on a board in my bedroom to remind me each day that there is so much possibility and to risk my significance. This, to me, is such a great reminder to get out of my head and live from my heart. Two weeks ago I started a daily gratitude journal (it's a cool app called Evernote) and before I start my day I take a moment to remember what I am grateful for. What I can say is, my life has had a magical series of events since I started. I started this because I read "What I Know For Sure" by Oprah Winfrey and she so gracefully reminds you to live with gratitude. A perfect reminder that what we give out, we get back in return. Her book was incredible, filled with wisdom and love. So today, I remind myself to live this life, to risk my significance, and to live from my heart. Don't waste this precious moment on worry or stress, use it to be grateful for all that you are, and for all that life has given. I have been blessed with an incredible life and with incredible love, I choose to inhabit my days, and to not live in fear of failing. Namaste :)

A reminder that life is short - LIVE IT!

A couple of days ago my family suffered a tragic loss, my 34 year old cousin left this earth. As you can imagine, the loss was devastating to her Mom and the rest of the family. As death often does, it makes you question your own mortality and life. I was reminded how precious life is, and how it truly is meant to be lived filled with joy and love. A reminder to not waste our days in stress or worry...to live it as if it were our last, and enjoy what matters most. There is still work to be done and we will get caught up in our daily grind, but don't forget to stop and appreciate all that we have. Notice the beauty around you, and remind yourself how extremely lucky you are to have people in your life. I will end this with something my cousin wrote last September, I think it is incredible to see these words knowing we no longer have her here on earth...I know she is here and all around us still loving us with even more now.

"Live your life while you can! Go on that trip. Take that swim. Kiss that person. Go to that wedding that you don't really feel like going to. A drive to Santa Cruz. Dinner in the City. Experience life as much as you can. Anytime you have a chance, take it!! I promise that you will never regret it. Anxiety & depression can be debilitating. It makes you feel like you can't do anything. Once it hits.. you'll never be the same because it's like, once you've known that fear, and you feel it, you can't forget it. Try your best to overcome it. Talk to people who understand. People do care. Try to think positive. Positive thoughts bring positive things. Pray. Meditate. Breathe. Anything that helps you. Just try. Don't let it take the fight out of you" (Alisha, September 2014).

Appreciation

Last night I received something that made me appreciate some work that I have been doing for several years. It was a moment that blind faith materialized, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from me. It was within a half an hour that my mind started thinking about the next steps and the what if's and it really took me by surprise. I actually said out loud "hold on, let me just revel in this appreciation." And it struck me, how often do we get to a place of so much joy and then don't appreciate that moment for more than a few minutes. What if we stayed in that place of appreciation? What if we lived with appreciation? So many books I have read have talked about living in gratitude and appreciation, and that when you do you break through barriers and you live the life you dream of. And in that moment last night it just clicked for me. That the joy is truly in the journey, and sometimes that requires blind faith and the not knowing of how a situation turns out but don't waste the journey on stress or your neurotic "what if" mind. Live in the moment, and trust that everything is happening just as it should, and that is so damn hard sometimes!! That's okay though, just get back in to appreciation and gratitude as quickly as possible. Being kind to yourself, remember that it is a journey and you will slip and fall along the way but keep moving forward. I appreciate this avenue of creativity and sharing my journey, I appreciate sharing my life with an incredible man who teaches me appreciation every day, I appreciate sharing my life with two children that bring me so much joy, I appreciate my friends who are there to lift me up and share in the joys. I appreciate my family and I appreciate life. When you are feeling joy and you are so excited for a moment, try and stay there for a while before jumping out of it and worrying about the next steps or the next part. Namaste :)

You did not die

"You did not die when you fell out of the tree
You did not die when you drove fast and went off the road.
You did not die when you crashed on the toboggan or when
you were lost in the desert for real or in your mind. But you did not die on the mountain nor
when you went under for the third time or when you lost your way. When you lost
all your money. You did not die when you died on the operating table. Not when your
heart stopped or when you were burned. Not when your body was challenged, terrorized
you did not die. You didn't even die when you gave up. Not when you saw
life blown to kingdom come, not even then did you die.
Not even when you jumped into the grave, or went terminally numb. Not when
you dried to bones. Not when your heart was hung by the neck till death.
Not when your bones were slashed, burned and your ashes blown away, even then
you did not die. You did not die, something in us, something eternal, the wounded healer comes
to the fore, takes it's tentative steps, grows stronger and thins to mend us. Body is filled with the stories of children you brought in to this world, it is filled with those you brought through who could not stay" Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. ~ The Joyous Body

This reminded me of the resilience in each of us. And when she says the wounded healer in each of us, it reminds me that our stories can be healing for so many others. Even in death we do not die, our souls are set free from this physical world that we live. It is so powerful to read this, and it reminds me that each of us has a story, each of us has lived through unimaginable pain and that we are still here. We are still alive. Our pains and our challenges create the strength and beauty that we all have within. Through it all, we did not die. We are all wounded healers, some of us just emerging, some long emerged and teaching, and some not yet emerged but we all are wounded healers. What a gift and how alike we all truly are. Namaste :)

My sweet child

My sweet child
You will never know the pain
You will never know the guilt
You will never know how long I tried to stay

You will not know the demons that were battled
You will not know the decisions that were so hard to make
You will not know the burden it was to carry
You will not know the days I could barely get through

My sweet child
You will not know the nights that were filled with tears
You will not know the fear of the withdrawal
You will not know the heartbreak of seeing a parent fall apart

You will not know the pain of your childhood being taken too soon
You will not know what it is like to ask your parent to choose you
You will not know the pain of asking your husband to please choose you
You will not know the pain of never being enough

My sweet child
You will not know the pain of having to be the glue that holds it together
You will not know what it is like to be told to stop dreaming so much
You will never know the pain of not knowing who I really am

My sweet child
Although I can not protect you from ever feeling pain
You will always have a Mom that
Encourages you
Loves you
Supports your dreams whatever they may be
Never lets you limit yourself
That is healthy enough to show you her love

I hope and pray that you will find your happiness in life
I have made the best decisions I could to give you the best life possible
I have made decisions to be the best me possible so that
You will always have an example to be authentic to who you are

I love you my sweet child, and you may know hurt in life, but you will always have a Mom that loves you and is your biggest fan. Always, unconditional love. There are truly no words, I wish for you that you that you find love, that you always feel as if you are more than enough, that you never settle for less than experiencing the best in everything. I wish for you that you find joy, peace and happiness. I wish for you that you are always authentic to who you are, and that you find someone who encourages it in you, and who supports you in all that you do. My wish for you is to live this life with passion and joy because that is why we are here, and that is what you are worth.

Compassion - An Empowerment

"Tibetan Buddhists believe that saying the mantra (prayer), Om Mani Padme Hum, out loud or silently to oneself, invokes the powerful benevolent attention and blessings of Chenrezig, the embodiment of compassion" (Dharma Haven.org).

Yesterday I had the opportunity to join Buddhist Monks from Tibet in a small town called Grass Valley. Sierra Friends of Tibet are hosting them for two weeks, with several events including the building of a sand mandala. I was able to attend a compassion empowerment and blessing by these Buddhist Monks. I was so grateful to be in the presence of such peaceful beings. I thought about the oppression and struggles that Tibet has been through, and was so moved by the peace that is still within these amazing people. The Master Monk spoke of compassion and how it was our duty after receiving this blessing to send out compassion to all beings. I thought about this for most of the evening after and this morning. Today we celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. in America and how this day is really about compassion. Even when we are oppressed or attacked there is still a way to find compassion for all beings. I think about the people who have paved the way before us like Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa and so many more. They have stood for justice, but with so much compassion in their hearts.

What if we offered compassion to all beings? What would that world look like? I can only offer compassion from myself and all other beings and hope that the compassion spreads. There is too much anger and pain in this world and we need more compassion. To love each other and offer compassion from our hearts to our fellow human beings. It is a tough practice but I will do the best that I can each day to offer compassion to all beings. Namaste :)