The Giving Season

As we approach this magical season of giving I always get so nostalgic. It is a time that reminds me of how lucky and blessed I am in my life. Christmas has always made me happy, and for so long I didn't really enjoy the holiday as much as I do now. Since I have been with my husband it has truly been a magical time of year. He has been so good to me, and not just about gifts but man he really spoils me so much with such thoughtfulness in everything he does. He knew how important putting the lights up on the house was for me and man he knocks it out of the park. Every day I drive up to my house and I get butterflies in my stomach, it makes me soooo happy to see all the lights up. It is magical! We get so excited about this time of year for each other and for the kids. I love getting my kids a bunch of things that they love and that make them happy. I love it all, not a joke I sure do!

I started to gather some things for homeless people this year and it makes me really feel so grateful for having such joy and so much love in my life. I also feel so grateful for my mental health, so important for me. For so long I worried if I would suffer from mental illness, specifically depression. But I am grateful I get to really focus on the joys in life because my mental health is great. I bought some shampoos, conditioners, deodorants, fresh socks and soap to hand out to people who are homeless. It makes me happy that I get to help out in some very small way. This is what Christmas is to me, it is the joy of giving. I do my best to do this each year, somehow give to others. I do my best to be as thoughtful as possible in each gift that I am lucky enough to give. For me this is the magic of Christmas, the ability to give to others and share my love.

This was my Mom's favorite time of year too, and often times when I think about her or need her most I can smell a fresh Christmas Tree. This is her way of visiting me, it was her favorite smell and she would get as excited as a kid when we would go to the store and pass by a tree or a wreath. In many ways this time of year is celebrating her and the love she gave to so many others. I am not religious and I understand that this time of year is hard on many, but I hope for each person that they get to experience magic in whatever way possible at whatever time of year. I am excited this year for giving to the homeless and for sharing some magical time with my family and my friends. Baking sweets and spending time together while we are so lucky to have snow surrounding us, sharing in the beauty of giving this is what I look forward to each year. My husband makes this time of year magical and beautiful for me, I don't take this for granted and I am so, so, so grateful for his love and his ability to make my dreams come true. I am truly lucky to have someone who loves me so much, and cares so much that he goes out of his way to give me the Christmas that makes the little girl in me excited beyond belief. Much love to all, and remember why we do all this, to give and share our love with others. Namaste :)

Walking the Talk - Living with Intention

For many years now I have been doing my affirmations and I have been walking the talk that I am always speaking. I have come through many challenges and I have been able to move past some challenging days. I often wonder to myself, are my affirmations working, is all this positive talk and thinking working? Living intentionally is something that I decided on many years back, and I can tell you it works. That doesn't mean that somedays aren't filled with negative thoughts and disappointments, that is for sure. But what it does mean is that each day I am filled with hope and with real joy.

It is as easy as I make it, and truly it has become a way of life for me. It isn't something I don't believe in, it isn't a way of life I would ever give up. Recently in my life and my career I have had the opportunity to expand and I have some options in front of me. This, standing here in this beauty and joy of opportunity is so unbelievable. The difference this time out of many others is that I am aware of it, and I am appreciating it. Being able to experience the lessons as they occur and the unbelievable opportunities that are in front of me is extraordinary. Instead of just walking through life, I am taking each moment and I am intentionally feeling the emotion that comes along with it, good or bad. This to me is something that is key to walking my talk and giving life every bit of me. So often I am in a moment overcome with so much love and appreciation I can do nothing else but cry. And there are some days that I have no reason to feel sad and yet I am overcome with it, but I am in awareness of my own emotions and I intentionally take steps to live each moment in awareness and joy. Life is beautiful, profoundly beautiful and I am SO grateful to live each day with people I love. I am continuously on a journey of living and experiencing - and that is a blessing that I feel deep within me. I hope each person that reads this takes a moment today to intentionally feel the emotion you are feeling right now, be in that moment and be thankful that we get to feel and we get to decide what our next moment will be. Take a moment and enjoy the little things today, or the people you love or better yet - enjoy yourself! You are enough and even more, even if you may not believe it. And if you do believe it be grateful for self love, how lucky we are when we can love ourselves. Namaste :)

My 100th post!!

To celebrate my 100th post on this blog, I found a quote that started the inspiration for my creative space - this blog. A piece of this I wrote nearly 5 years ago. This quote still resonates with me, living with peace and joy is the most important piece of my life. THANK YOU for supporting me each time you read this blog. It helps me stay vulnerable and allows me a chance to share my experiences with you.
Learning About Change

“Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

Max Ehrman

Today I am reminded that my life has been an incredible journey of ups and downs. I am so grateful for where and who I am today, sometimes I can’t find the words to explain the gratitude I feel for the life I am living. I learned so much from my Mom’s life and it inspired me to live my life without fear and filled with peace and joy.

This quote and the changes in my life, I hope someday help my children learn that your ultimate goal in life should be to find happiness and peace within. Once you find peace in your soul, you find peace and happiness everywhere you are. Life won’t be perfect, and you will experience things that bring you to your knees and shake your very core. Know that even though we don’t see the reason why, the universe is always bringing us along the path that is meant to be. During the difficult times this will sometimes be impossible to see, but remember that all is well, and life is still a beautiful journey. You will not know dark without light, you will not know love without loss, and you will not know happiness without great sadness. Push yourself through every challenging and impossible time, you will find a more beautiful and better you at the end. People will not always understand, and you will always have people who criticize, but remember those people fade, and you are the one who has to live your life, only you and no one else. Follow the path that deep in your soul feels right, follow your heart and learn from the pains in life.

Believe in love, believe in others, believe in the good of the world, and most of all believe in YOU.
<3 Namaste :)

What are you grateful for?

Each November I start a daily gratitude practice, since after all November is the month of Thanksgiving. Even if you don't celebrate any holidays, it is nice to dedicate at least 30 days to gratitude. I did this earlier in the year for three months, it was incredible. If you haven't started I urge you to do so. Living from gratitude is the key to living a peaceful and joyous life. As we practice gratitude we are attracting more of what we are thankful for. Some days are so much easier than others, I know, but each day we can find something to be grateful for. What are you grateful for today? Write it down, keep a 30 day journal for this month. Then in December you can reflect back on the month. Radiate love today, practice gratitude and loving kindness to yourself and all others. Namaste :)

Grateful for Kindness

This morning on my way to work I saw a homeless man walking along the street. He was cold, he had a limp, his clothes were tattered and his shoes were way too big with holes in them. As I drove by I realized I had nothing to offer him. In that moment I consciously sent love to him and my eyes filled with tears. He looked up for a second and gave me a smile, in turn I smiled back and put my hand to my heart. In that moment a million things came flooding in to my mind. I felt his pain and his feeling of deep loss, I don't know what loss but there was great pain and loss. I felt gratitude, immense gratitude for the life I have, for the love I have and for the comforts I take for granted. I looked at my shoes and I was immensely grateful for them. They fit, they are comfortable and I chose them because I liked them. I took a moment to thank the divine source for all that I have in my life. Mostly for my mental health and for the comforts of life I so often take for granted. I also sent my gratitude for the smile this man gave me. For the exchange of kindness and love between us. The synchronistic part of all of this is that I just spoke with a friend the day before about organizing a drive for the homeless. This was the message from the universe that kindness, no matter how small matters. I hope that each person who reads this today takes a moment to be thankful for the things we are blessed with. Look at your shoes, be grateful. Feel your clothes, be grateful. Be grateful for the ability to shower in warm, clean water each day. Be thankful for everything today, and radiate love and kindness. Namaste :)

Keep climbing - There is strength and beauty from every experience

Repost from: Monday, October 13, 2014

I spent the weekend with family and caring for my Grandmother. There was conversation around growth and the trials that we all go through. And I really started thinking about my path and the trials, challenges and just all around difficult times. And what I saw through it all is that I could never appreciate my life the way I do now had I not been through all the things I have. There was far from a perfect childhood, yet I was loved. I had far from a perfect first marriage but it was perfect for me at the time, and my two children were such a blessing from that. Looking back, sure I could have made better decisions, but I made the decisions that were right at that time. I have climbed the mountains and I stand at the top looking around appreciating the beauty of all that has brought me here. I have such gratitude each and every day for the relationship that I have, my children who have taught me to be patient, loving, and courageous. I still have many miles to go in life, but the greatest gift is learning to live in the moment and appreciate what I have today. I am eternally grateful that my awareness of life is getting better each day, that my experience of love deepens each day, and that gratitude increases every day. I hope you can look at your life and see how far you have come, and how much further we can all go. Breathe in the beauty, and have gratitude for all that has happened in life and all that promises to be. Namaste :)

 

Love - Make it a point to feel and see it today

Love. Love. Love. What a tremendous feeling to have, to be loved and to love. So much love surrounds us even when we may not feel it ourselves. Recently I had one of those days that I just didn't feel loveable. I am not sure why we have those days, but when we do it is so sad to feel. Yesterday as I was driving to work and I heard a song that reminded me of my cousin who passed away earlier this year. I started crying and as I was talking to her telling her how much I missed her, I wondered what it was like on the "other side." I asked her if it was everything that I think it is, pure love and joy. And then it came to me, it isn't just on the other side, it is within us at all times. We are made of the universe, we are pure infinite love and joy. Sometimes we just get bogged down while we are here experiencing this physical world. We are always pure, infinite love and joy. Sometimes we just have to go within to remember that. I am overwhelmed by the love that I feel and the love that I have from others, I am so beyond grateful. So today, place your hands to your heart and remember that you are pure, infinite love and joy as well. You are loved, you are love. Namaste :)

Magical Energy

Since the eclipse/full moon on Sunday I have felt a break through in life. It has been as if a ceiling has been removed and I am limitless. The thing is, I have always been limitless, but I have certainly limited myself in my beliefs in the possibilities in life. I released all that no longer served me and welcomed in abundance in joy, finances, health, hope and beauty. I feel immense joy, so much that it is radiating all around me. I am so grateful each day for life, for the people that are in my life, for everything - everything! I feel as if I can shout from the rooftops how miraculous life is, how infinite we are and then simply take flight. It is a phenomenal feeling, and I think I realized as I talked to the universe and moon that truly we are glorious, limitless, magnificent beings - each and everyone one of us. I am so grateful for this creative writing space I share with all of you, and I am so grateful for this community of people that I share this space with. What are you grateful for today? Feel it, write it and believe it! I am sending out immense love and light to all today, radiate love and joy! Namaste :)

What I know for sure at 40 (Thanks Oprah for the inspiration!)

As I turn 40 this week, I have been reflecting on life and all that I have experienced and learned in this 40 years. I am overjoyed that I get to spend another birthday with the ones I love and living the life that I only dreamed of, but became my reality. I am grateful for so many people and so many experiences, I am truly living my best life. I am excited to turn 40, and I am beyond excited for as much time as I get blessed with here in this physical experience. Oprah's book What I know for Sure has inspired this piece, thank you Oprah!
 

Life is absolutely, without a doubt incredibly beautiful. If you look for beauty you will be astounded at how much beauty surrounds us every day. A smile on someone’s face, a flower that makes you happy, a bird flying to remind us of our own ability to soar. So many things, people we love, the sun that warms us, the moon that lights our darkness. The dragonfly that reminds me I am on the right path, the water that settles my soul and so much more. Look for the beauty.

Live your life from gratitude and love and life will reward you with even more! Be grateful for everything in life, everything. Make decisions based on love, allow love to fill your soul and you will be so happy, no matter what. Even if it takes work, focus on gratitude and love. The more you are thankful for, the more you will receive to be thankful for.

Mistakes are the best lessons we can learn. I have made so many mistakes in life, but really those mistakes were my biggest teacher. I am so grateful for the times I have fallen, the times I have been lost…through all of those times I found the beauty of me. I became closer to the true me each time. Don’t dwell on the mistakes; look for the lesson in it. Look for what you learned, and be kind to yourself.

There is always time to take a chance. It is never too late, you are never too old, and life is never too busy for you to take a chance on yourself and your dreams. It is always the right time for you to take a leap of faith and do what makes your soul happy.

Love is worth it. Love is worth all the pain, the frustration and the joy. Every bit of it is worth the vulnerability that you show each time you love another. We are all pure love within, and love is truly what makes everything make sense. If we could all love ourselves then there would be nothing but love in this world. Radiate love to all and especially to yourself.

You choose joy! You can choose misery, you can choose anger, and you can choose joy. I chose joy, and every day I feel more and more joyful. I chose to not let anger and fear lead me any longer. It was a choice, and it is a choice I make every day. Trust me, it is the best choice you can make, it will lead you to all that you ever dreamed, and you will feel peace like you have never known. You will also be astounded how nothing really bothers you anymore, and no one does either.

Life is short. Life is too short to wait for anything. You truly don’t know if you will have another minute, hour, month or year. So live as if it is your last moment, and love with all your heart and soul. I have lost so many loved ones too early, and I have learned that life is way too short. Do what you want, don’t settle for anything less than absolute joy and love. Laugh every day, and be vulnerable enough to share your love and your joy with others.

Time heals. There will be times in your life you will be brought to your knees, and you will be tested in ways you never knew, you will see darkness that you won’t know there is light. But time helps you, time will show you that you can stand tall once again, that you will love yourself deeper than you have known, and that light will surround you and guide you. This moment is not forever, time will help you heal and soften. There is always hope, there is always love.

Be you, the real and raw you. The world wants you, not the you that the world might think you are. Not the you with the job title or the degree, the you that is raw and vulnerable. The you that has lived your story, the you that is passionate and happy, the you that sometimes hides. It is when you are comfortable with who you are that you become the light in others’ lives, and the spark of joy that can help others smile and have hope.

I love being Mom. It has been the most profound privilege to be mom to the two children I was blessed with. To watch another human being come in to this world through me and then to live each day in this world is indescribable joy. From infants to young adults, being able to be part of their journey is without a doubt the most awe inspiring experience I have ever known. To see the soul of two young children discover this world and discover themselves is a privilege, and it is the purest love I have ever known. It is otherworldly to be a part of this process and journey with them.

Two healthy people make a fantastic relationship. Each of us has to do our own work, and when we do it is phenomenal. I am grateful to be in love with a person that is healthy in his mind and soul, and that is a true partner in life. It took many years of therapy to discover how incredible I was when I cleared my mind of fears and insecurities, and I allowed myself to accept, love and forgive myself. When I am my best self, I am the best partner. We are each our own complete person and we are each a pillar. With that comes the most profound intimacy and love I ever imagined. I have opened myself vulnerably to be loved by another, to trust another. He has cared for and respected that piece of me, and has opened himself up in the same way. With that I have found such beautiful, kind, joyous, strong love and partnership. You have to do your work folks, we all do! No one can love us until we love ourselves, I get that now. No one can save you, only you can save you. No one can complete you, you have to complete yourself. It is when you do this that you can open yourself up to a beautiful and fulfilling love.

You need your tribe. Your people are important; your tribe is like a life line. My family and my friends mean the world to me, and I have come to have a close tribe that supports me, encourages me, and finds the joy in life. As they say “Your vibe attracts your tribe” and I am loving my tribe. Keep people in your life that lift you up, that are there to hold your hand and are there to share in laughter and tears in life. We all need a tribe to help us through!

You are enough! This is the one for me, the one that changed it all. For most of my young adult and adult life I believed I was never enough. Never a good enough wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, human being. Then I realized I am more than just enough, we are all more than enough! We are wise, capable, able, beautiful, magical beings. You are enough for anything and everything you have ever dreamed of and even more!!!! You are enough simply because you exist. You are enough, you are enough. Never doubt it, never live from that lack – it hurts you and everyone else. Love who you are, and trust that you are enough and so much more!
 

Soar, higher than you imagined!

Often times I don't know where I am going, if I am on the right path or not. It is in those times that I try to remember, that as long as I have faith that the universe is always conspiring in my favor, then I am safe and I will continue to be guided along the way. It is quite difficult for me to relinquish control, but it is when I do that magic happens. When I trust in process of life, life leads me to exactly where I need to be. And right now I am at somewhat of a crossroad, and I am unsure of what I want as the next step, so this quote reminded me to just spread my wings and allow the winds to carry me. It is in times of the doubt and fear that clear signs always show up. What I have learned is that if you just live from gratitude and love every day, you will be at your highest vibration and will align yourself with the magic the universe has to offer. The only limits are what we put on ourselves, we can fly higher than we have ever imagined. So I remember today to spread my wings and allow the winds to carry me, I trust in the process of life. I am filled with gratitude today, and absolute joy and love! Namaste :)

Peace Begins With Me

I have learned many things over the years, and I continue to learn every day. Just when I think to myself, oh I really understand this life...something else reminds me that I am on a lifelong journey of learning. Today I contemplated inner peace. Mostly because I had to write about it for school. And I thought about years past and how I have finally found that if I am happy and peaceful inside, then everything around me is that as well. The more peaceful I am, the more peace is around me. I realized that reacting to things was volatile and it only brought me more stress, more chaos and anxiety. I know now, that peace is all about within, and that everything else is just a reflection of what is happening inside. Self work is key, and reminding yourself constantly that what matters begins within. What you give out, you get. Are you happy? Peaceful? Calm? Or are you Stressed? Worried? Angry? Take a deep breath today and try to fill your inner self with peace and love. Then breathe it out to the world. Namaste :)

Missing Mom

9 years ago today my Mom left this physical world. I know that death does not mean an end to life, that our souls are on a journey through eternity. I also know that she is never really gone, I feel her all the time. When I am worried, sad or stressed I feel her arms wrapped around me. When I have accomplished something I am so proud of I feel her love around me, and I feel her infinite joy. Today I look back and I celebrate the time I had with her, I celebrate our challenges together and I celebrate how special we were to each other. I was lucky enough to be so close to her that I experienced her pain, her suffering and her joy right along with her. She was in immense pain both physically and emotionally but she always found a way to love people. She put herself last and she suffered mentally more than I will ever be able to imagine. She was an incredibly compassionate human being, who gave love more than anyone I have ever known.

She taught me so many things, and most I never appreciated until after she was gone. She showed me that love always comes first, and to love others with all my heart. She taught me to love my kids in a way I will never be able to explain, only in ways that I can show. She taught me that life is precious and limited in time here on earth, and through her anguish I was taught to savor each moment. She taught me that joy was a choice that we make. She taught me that I was worth every greatness in life. She taught me that I was capable of anything and to believe in myself. She taught me that the world is a good place despite all the sadness. She taught me to stand tall and to walk with my head up no matter what. She taught me that I am beautiful just as I am. You see she never knew she taught me all of this, she thought she had failed in so many ways. But what she didn't know was that she taught me all of this and more, and she was all of this as well. Her gifts to me are priceless, her presence is always with me and I am forever grateful for each moment we shared and each moment that we share now. She never knew that she was the world to so many people, she never knew that she was the one who brought joy to so many lives. In honor of her I live my life each day fearlessly and filled with joy and love. I honor her by being the best me possible, and believing in every dream, and believing that without a doubt I am worthy of love and greatness. I miss her here physically each and every day, but I am grateful to know and feel her love surround me every moment. Today I will appreciate the love in my life and I will give out all the love in my heart...you never know how long you get here in this physical experience, so be sure to love others and most of all love and believe in you. Namaste :)

She Believed She Could....

Last weekend I graduated with my bachelors degree, and it was a moment that had been years in the making. There were many that disagreed with what I was doing when I decided to go back to school in my mid 30's, many that said it was a waste of time and some that even said I should stop dreaming so much. I am so glad I followed my heart and stayed true to myself. I was able to complete the first step in a journey that I have dreamt of for a long time.

When my Mom died in 2006 my world came crashing down around me. I fell in to a depression and at the same time my career had ended due to the financial crisis of the housing industry. I also found out that my marriage was probably going to end, but wasn't quite sure. It was a matter of 6 months that my Mom died, I lost my career, our house went into foreclosure and my marriage was on shaky ground. At that time I also contemplated suicide to escape the pain and depression. Luckily I chose to live, and from the point I made that decision my life was new again. I started a journey of self discovery, self love and self forgiveness. I believed that if I worked on me then my life could be all that I wanted it to be. Over a period of several years I started believing in myself more and more. In 2009 I decided I would go back to school to become a therapist, it was something I had wanted since I was young. I didn't know how I was going to do it, and I took a leap of faith and just followed what felt right. It was time to start living, it was time to learn to breathe again.

From the time I started school I experienced another life change that would lead me deeper into my journey, I decided to divorce my husband after more than a decade I decided to follow my heart and start a new life. I was deathly afraid of how this would affect my kids, and in the end my daughter said it best after a difficult year, she said "I love to see you happy, and you have been so happy" it was a moment that helped me stay strong through several years of doubt, worry and best of all more growth than I had ever been through - I made it. Not only did I make it in life, I became the best me possible, one that has created the life she could only imagine. I can stand tall and know that I stayed true to who I am and became the woman I always thought I could be. Walking across the stage to receive my diploma last week was way more than a piece of paper, it was a moment to realize and appreciate a new and wonderful life. I am turning 40 this year and I can honestly say I have created the most incredible life for me. It was a long, sometimes difficult, sometimes incredible journey...and it was worth every step. For those who doubt themselves and doubt that they can create joy and peace in their lives...don't....it is possible, it takes you to believe in yourself. When you start working on yourself and you start forgiving and loving you - your life will blossom, your soul will fly. I start my Masters in the fall, and I am savoring each moment of this incredible life and journey. Namaste :)

Every Little Thing is Gonna Be Alright

Every Little Thing is Gonna Be Alright...This song by Bob Marley plays in my head anytime I get stressed out, ever since my Mom died in 2006. In a way I always believed it was her way of letting me know she was with me, and that in the bigger picture everything really will be alright. Lately I have really been living in the moment and savoring each wonderful feeling that comes my way. It is like something in me has realized the secret sauce to life. It is really hard to explain, but it is as if I got the okay from the universe to just enjoy life and forget about worry. Imagine living a day with no worry or stress? Wouldn't that be incredible? That is exactly what I have been feeling, like everything truly will be alright, and the message given to me has been to not waste time worrying, savor your time to enjoy. Smile, laugh, be silly, and let your soul be free to expand. What you give out you get back....so give out joy, peace and abundance and that is what you will get back - ten fold. Namaste :)

The deliciousness of life!

The past few days I have been living in the moment, truly living in each moment and savoring each experience. When the sun is on my skin I take it in and feel so warm and so peaceful. As I mentioned in my last blog, I am in the middle of reading Anita Moorjani's book, Dying to Be Me...and it has been such a profound reminder that this life is meant to be cherished and lived fearlessly. Have you ever tried to savor each moment? Isn't it an absolute joy?? When I look at my husband my soul is filled with pure joy, he is my favorite person to enjoy time with, I am so fortunate to share a life with someone I absolutely adore. When I talk to my children I am so thrilled and grateful that I get to share this experience of life and growing up with them. When I take a breath of fresh air I feel rejuvenated and full of life. I encourage you to read Anita's book if you have not, and if you have re-read it and give it your best as often as possible to really enjoy moments as if they are brand new. Life gets tough, but if you remember to appreciate and enjoy maybe life is just purely magnificent - I know it is. Pure love, pure joy always. Namaste :)

Life is Beautiful, Truly Magnificent

As I read Anita Moorjani's book, Dying to Be Me, for the third time I am still in awe of the way it resonates with me. Reading it helps me to remember to be in the here and now, to enjoy each moment with gratitude. Often times I get so wrapped up in worrying about everything - work, school, finances, people that I forget that this moment is filled with extraordinary beauty. I will try and live in the moment today and feel the beauty of where I am at and what I am feeling. Everything is going to be okay, all is well and life is beautiful. Breathe in the beauty, feel the love, feel the joy, feel the peace - life is wonderful, it truly is!!!

Opportunity in the midst of life's challenges

There have been so many times in my life where I have been overwhelmed with stress. Looking back on those times I see that those were the times that I changed the most. Those were the times that taught me that I was strong and capable. Looking back is always easy, I am learning that if I can see the opportunity in my challenges while they are happening I can appreciate them instead of being overwhelmed by them. That seems much easier than it actually is, but it is true. Each day I start with gratitude, and recently that has been so important for me to do. No matter what life brings us there is always something to be grateful for.

I love this quote, "I am strong because I was broken down, I have found myself because I was lost, I can see my future because I've learned from my past" All of this is true. As I look back over the course of my life I am so grateful that I have lost everything, that I was broken down and that I have been overwhelmed with stress because all of those things have made me who I am today. I have accomplished so much and I have gained so much wisdom. What I know for sure is that if you look at the big picture of life there is no need to be overwhelmed during our most challenging times, they will pass and they will shape us in to a stronger more beautiful version of us, but it is up to us to be open enough to see that. I am filled with joy, I am peaceful, I am open and ready to receive miracles, Life loves you!! Namaste :)

Enjoy the simple things

Over the last few days, it has hit me that I am beginning to really enjoy the simple things. And the more I enjoy these, the more I see how little "things" actually mean to me. What really struck me was when my husband brought up the same feelings that he has had over the last couple of days. Nothing is coincidence, I believe that those things we think are coincidence are actually small miracles happening. As I thought of this I looked around me and I thought to myself, what puts a smile on my face and makes me feel joy inside? I love seeing the moon, rising at night or hanging in the sky in the early morning as the sun chases it. I feel so much joy when I see it, I am in awe of it. I love waking up to hearing the birds chirp in the morning, their song puts a huge smile in my soul. The world around me is waking up, and I am so happy inside. I love when my cat snuggles up to me at night and purrs, it settles my soul in a way that I can't quite put in to words. I never thought I was a "cat" person per say, but this cat is such a unique soul that was put in to my life at the exact right time. I love feeling the sun on me, much like a cat loves sleeping in the sun. The warmth is so relaxing and puts me in to the present moment with no thoughts of the past or the future. Spending time with my husband just talking - this is one of my favorite things. This past weekend we sat near a lake and just quietly enjoyed each others company. Walking with him hand in hand with the sun on me, the lake quietly moving, the birds flying ever so close to the water...this is peace in my soul and joy in my heart. Talking with my kids and listening to what their perspective on life is. They fascinate me with how they see things as they are becoming young adults. They have such innocence still in so many things, and yet they are wise beyond their years. They teach me that anything is possible, that life is right here and ready for us to make it what we want. I am realizing slowly but surely it is all about the simple things in life, enjoying them and feeling the moments deep within. Cherishing the joy and the peace, listening and feeling nature around me. When I write about this I realize no possessions that I have make it to this list.....I am excited at what this will translate to in my every day life. Today I sit and enjoy the simple things in life that matter most to me, the people that I love more than words will ever be able to describe and I will intentionally find and create these moments today. Namaste :)

The Tides Will Turn

As I sit and write this today, I am reminded of a journey that has taken me years to get through. A journey that was so challenging and so hopeless at times that I wanted to give up. I started a gratitude journal 30 days ago, and as I re-read it this morning I realized how much my life has changed, for the better. I was reminded earlier by someone that I love so much, my brother, of these times that were so challenging to me. It is so hard when you are in the middle of a treacherous storm, when you are trying so hard to stay positive, and you are trying with all of your heart to do what is right - and the tides are just beating you against the rocks. It seems as if the seas within will never be calm, that you will never see the calm power of the ocean that you are in. This reminded me of so many years in my life, I didn't think the pain would ever end. I didn't think that the challenges that I was facing would ever be peaceful. But, I am here so many years later living such a peaceful life. I have learned so much from all of it, and I cherish peace in my life the most. As I re-read my gratitude journal entries for the last month I see that each day I mention how grateful I am for peace in my life. So, if you are going through a storm and the oceans are rough, stay your course....steady and strong. Keep your head up and know that you will find the peace, that the good that you are doing will overcome any challenge you face. It may not seem like it right now, but it will. I thank my husband for teaching me this lesson, and for staying the course with me, I am forever grateful. Namaste :)

Daily Gratitude

Many years ago I came across this poem. It struck a chord deep within and it was a reminder that I need to live this life with great courage and no fear. So often I worry about things, and I always prove to myself that there is no need to worry. Over the past month I have come to understand that there is truly no need to worry. Everything always works out just as it should, ALWAYS. I promised myself a long time ago that I will not die an unlived life. This poem is on a board in my bedroom to remind me each day that there is so much possibility and to risk my significance. This, to me, is such a great reminder to get out of my head and live from my heart. Two weeks ago I started a daily gratitude journal (it's a cool app called Evernote) and before I start my day I take a moment to remember what I am grateful for. What I can say is, my life has had a magical series of events since I started. I started this because I read "What I Know For Sure" by Oprah Winfrey and she so gracefully reminds you to live with gratitude. A perfect reminder that what we give out, we get back in return. Her book was incredible, filled with wisdom and love. So today, I remind myself to live this life, to risk my significance, and to live from my heart. Don't waste this precious moment on worry or stress, use it to be grateful for all that you are, and for all that life has given. I have been blessed with an incredible life and with incredible love, I choose to inhabit my days, and to not live in fear of failing. Namaste :)

A reminder that life is short - LIVE IT!

A couple of days ago my family suffered a tragic loss, my 34 year old cousin left this earth. As you can imagine, the loss was devastating to her Mom and the rest of the family. As death often does, it makes you question your own mortality and life. I was reminded how precious life is, and how it truly is meant to be lived filled with joy and love. A reminder to not waste our days in stress or worry...to live it as if it were our last, and enjoy what matters most. There is still work to be done and we will get caught up in our daily grind, but don't forget to stop and appreciate all that we have. Notice the beauty around you, and remind yourself how extremely lucky you are to have people in your life. I will end this with something my cousin wrote last September, I think it is incredible to see these words knowing we no longer have her here on earth...I know she is here and all around us still loving us with even more now.

"Live your life while you can! Go on that trip. Take that swim. Kiss that person. Go to that wedding that you don't really feel like going to. A drive to Santa Cruz. Dinner in the City. Experience life as much as you can. Anytime you have a chance, take it!! I promise that you will never regret it. Anxiety & depression can be debilitating. It makes you feel like you can't do anything. Once it hits.. you'll never be the same because it's like, once you've known that fear, and you feel it, you can't forget it. Try your best to overcome it. Talk to people who understand. People do care. Try to think positive. Positive thoughts bring positive things. Pray. Meditate. Breathe. Anything that helps you. Just try. Don't let it take the fight out of you" (Alisha, September 2014).

Appreciation

Last night I received something that made me appreciate some work that I have been doing for several years. It was a moment that blind faith materialized, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from me. It was within a half an hour that my mind started thinking about the next steps and the what if's and it really took me by surprise. I actually said out loud "hold on, let me just revel in this appreciation." And it struck me, how often do we get to a place of so much joy and then don't appreciate that moment for more than a few minutes. What if we stayed in that place of appreciation? What if we lived with appreciation? So many books I have read have talked about living in gratitude and appreciation, and that when you do you break through barriers and you live the life you dream of. And in that moment last night it just clicked for me. That the joy is truly in the journey, and sometimes that requires blind faith and the not knowing of how a situation turns out but don't waste the journey on stress or your neurotic "what if" mind. Live in the moment, and trust that everything is happening just as it should, and that is so damn hard sometimes!! That's okay though, just get back in to appreciation and gratitude as quickly as possible. Being kind to yourself, remember that it is a journey and you will slip and fall along the way but keep moving forward. I appreciate this avenue of creativity and sharing my journey, I appreciate sharing my life with an incredible man who teaches me appreciation every day, I appreciate sharing my life with two children that bring me so much joy, I appreciate my friends who are there to lift me up and share in the joys. I appreciate my family and I appreciate life. When you are feeling joy and you are so excited for a moment, try and stay there for a while before jumping out of it and worrying about the next steps or the next part. Namaste :)

You did not die

"You did not die when you fell out of the tree
You did not die when you drove fast and went off the road.
You did not die when you crashed on the toboggan or when
you were lost in the desert for real or in your mind. But you did not die on the mountain nor
when you went under for the third time or when you lost your way. When you lost
all your money. You did not die when you died on the operating table. Not when your
heart stopped or when you were burned. Not when your body was challenged, terrorized
you did not die. You didn't even die when you gave up. Not when you saw
life blown to kingdom come, not even then did you die.
Not even when you jumped into the grave, or went terminally numb. Not when
you dried to bones. Not when your heart was hung by the neck till death.
Not when your bones were slashed, burned and your ashes blown away, even then
you did not die. You did not die, something in us, something eternal, the wounded healer comes
to the fore, takes it's tentative steps, grows stronger and thins to mend us. Body is filled with the stories of children you brought in to this world, it is filled with those you brought through who could not stay" Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. ~ The Joyous Body

This reminded me of the resilience in each of us. And when she says the wounded healer in each of us, it reminds me that our stories can be healing for so many others. Even in death we do not die, our souls are set free from this physical world that we live. It is so powerful to read this, and it reminds me that each of us has a story, each of us has lived through unimaginable pain and that we are still here. We are still alive. Our pains and our challenges create the strength and beauty that we all have within. Through it all, we did not die. We are all wounded healers, some of us just emerging, some long emerged and teaching, and some not yet emerged but we all are wounded healers. What a gift and how alike we all truly are. Namaste :)

My sweet child

My sweet child
You will never know the pain
You will never know the guilt
You will never know how long I tried to stay

You will not know the demons that were battled
You will not know the decisions that were so hard to make
You will not know the burden it was to carry
You will not know the days I could barely get through

My sweet child
You will not know the nights that were filled with tears
You will not know the fear of the withdrawal
You will not know the heartbreak of seeing a parent fall apart

You will not know the pain of your childhood being taken too soon
You will not know what it is like to ask your parent to choose you
You will not know the pain of asking your husband to please choose you
You will not know the pain of never being enough

My sweet child
You will not know the pain of having to be the glue that holds it together
You will not know what it is like to be told to stop dreaming so much
You will never know the pain of not knowing who I really am

My sweet child
Although I can not protect you from ever feeling pain
You will always have a Mom that
Encourages you
Loves you
Supports your dreams whatever they may be
Never lets you limit yourself
That is healthy enough to show you her love

I hope and pray that you will find your happiness in life
I have made the best decisions I could to give you the best life possible
I have made decisions to be the best me possible so that
You will always have an example to be authentic to who you are

I love you my sweet child, and you may know hurt in life, but you will always have a Mom that loves you and is your biggest fan. Always, unconditional love. There are truly no words, I wish for you that you that you find love, that you always feel as if you are more than enough, that you never settle for less than experiencing the best in everything. I wish for you that you find joy, peace and happiness. I wish for you that you are always authentic to who you are, and that you find someone who encourages it in you, and who supports you in all that you do. My wish for you is to live this life with passion and joy because that is why we are here, and that is what you are worth.

Compassion - An Empowerment

"Tibetan Buddhists believe that saying the mantra (prayer), Om Mani Padme Hum, out loud or silently to oneself, invokes the powerful benevolent attention and blessings of Chenrezig, the embodiment of compassion" (Dharma Haven.org).

Yesterday I had the opportunity to join Buddhist Monks from Tibet in a small town called Grass Valley. Sierra Friends of Tibet are hosting them for two weeks, with several events including the building of a sand mandala. I was able to attend a compassion empowerment and blessing by these Buddhist Monks. I was so grateful to be in the presence of such peaceful beings. I thought about the oppression and struggles that Tibet has been through, and was so moved by the peace that is still within these amazing people. The Master Monk spoke of compassion and how it was our duty after receiving this blessing to send out compassion to all beings. I thought about this for most of the evening after and this morning. Today we celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. in America and how this day is really about compassion. Even when we are oppressed or attacked there is still a way to find compassion for all beings. I think about the people who have paved the way before us like Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa and so many more. They have stood for justice, but with so much compassion in their hearts.

What if we offered compassion to all beings? What would that world look like? I can only offer compassion from myself and all other beings and hope that the compassion spreads. There is too much anger and pain in this world and we need more compassion. To love each other and offer compassion from our hearts to our fellow human beings. It is a tough practice but I will do the best that I can each day to offer compassion to all beings. Namaste :)

You can overcome!

You can overcome
When you fall and stumble
You can stand back up
You can overcome

You can overcome
When someone hurts you
When you are feeling broken
You can overcome

You can overcome
When you are drowning in sorrow
When you have no hope
You can overcome

You can overcome
When your light is dim
When you feel as if you can only see darkness
You can overcome

You are a powerful creator
You are capable
You are a vibrant light
You can stand tall

Never let anyone convince you otherwise, especially yourself. What have you been wanting to do? How have you been wanting to feel? What have you dreamt of? You can overcome any challenge, any illness, any doubt, any depression. Take the step. Find someone who can uplift you. Do your work. Reach out for help. Change your thoughts. Get the positive momentum going, stop letting the darkness reign. Joy, hope, peace, love - these are all within, let them break free. Shine your light, stand tall, put your shoulders back and say "I AM WORTH IT!!" Namaste :)

Be the light in someone else's life today

Happy Monday! For a few days now I have been in a kind of funk. I am so close to realizing some of my dreams coming true, but first I still have much work to do. I am not a very patient person, and sometimes I have to remind myself to be still and that soon all things will work out. This morning I woke up and wondered what I could do to become a bit more patient. I took a chance to look back on the last several years of my life, and I remembered how impatient I was years ago when I started back in college. And here I am one semester away from my bachelors. Many people didn't understand why I would want to go back in my mid 30's, but I knew that time would pass anyway, so I might as well start. It was an exciting time and it has been a challenging few years. It has also been a very empowering and exciting few years. I have learned so much, and I know that my Masters comes after this, but I am so close to realizing a dream of mine that I had for so long. I thought of every excuse why not to go, and then finally I decided the one reason I needed to go....I had to make one of my dreams come true, no matter how hard and no matter how old I was.

With this came some thoughts and appreciation for so many people along this journey. There are so many people that have made a difference in my life, and so many people who encouraged me when I wanted to give up. When my light seemed to go out, there are people who have helped me ignite the light in my soul once again. These teachers, friends and my husband who have rekindled that light I can not thank enough. The wisdom that has been shared with me has been incredible, and something that I am so grateful for. So today, I am grateful for the wisdom, love and patience of my teachers and friends, and husband have so graciously given me. Without people my life would be gravely lonely, without support I would not have made it this far. I am grateful for the people in my life, and for the people who will impact me that I haven't met yet. What are you grateful for today? Who has made a difference in your life? Who has encouraged you when you needed it most? Gratitude propels you in to joy, and living in a vibration of joy helps you realize your dreams. I will never stop dreaming, and I will never stop learning. I am so very grateful for this. Be the light for someone else today, help others rekindle their light within. Namaste :)

Find your joy!!

One of my dear friends and mentors posted a copy of this today and talked about how joy is the standard of success. It is what life is all about. It is why we came here to live. How often we pinch ourselves off and don't allow joy in. Make it a conscious choice each day to experience joy. I have said it so many times, and in many of my blogs: we are here to experience this physical world with all of our senses. How beautiful is it that we get to feel the warmth of the sun on our skin, the smell of fresh pine or ocean water, the taste of our favorite foods, and that we get to see the beautiful world that we live in. Think about your favorite places and people, how wonderful is it that we get to have these experiences? Get in touch with those feelings, remember that we were all brought here for a reason, and that it is our absolute goal to experience joy. Tap in to the happiness that this world has to offer. I promise you, when you make a conscious effort to recognize the beauty and joy of the world you will find the joy within. Start the momentum of looking for the joy and beauty around you. Look up and notice the sky today, the trees, the sun if it is shining where you are. Look at your loved ones and remember what you love about them. What are the reasons why you love that person? Dig into those thoughts, focus on the joy, the beauty around you and the love. Have a beautiful Monday, Namaste :)

Focus on good, keep that momentum

I am re-reading Co-Creating at It's Best with Abraham-Hicks and Dr. Wayne Dyer. It is a book that has to be read over and over to start absorbing all the messages in it. One piece of it is sticking out to me, and has me reflecting on my life to this point. All challenges and struggles are in our life to show us contrast. Contrast of what we don't want to help us know what we want. I am looking back on my life and looking at difficult times with appreciation. These times helped me figure out what I do want. With this new found appreciation, I have also decided that I now know what I don't want so much so, that I can just focus on what I do want. This is profound for me. I feel as if I have been set free, like my soul has expanded in such a way that I still can not understand. Here is what I know, I am free to live in joy. I am free to only do things that feel good, and I can focus on what I do want. I am excited for this New Year, and I am really excited for each day I get to live. Starting each day with gratitude will help you start living in the alignment of what feels good. Wake up each morning and search for what thoughts make you feel good...that way your day starts on the right vibration and you start the momentum of feelings that are good. That momentum will continue to grow and you will continue to attract things in to your life that make you feel good. Happy New Year! Namaste :)