Living in Gratitude

The flu season has been a rough one this year and has certainly taken it's toll on me. I have been sick and I am heading into my third week of upper respiratory issues, currently with bronchitis. At work we lost someone, quite young, to this flu season and I have seen and heard of so many being hospitalized and/or dying from it. It was a bit of a wake up call for me. I am not young or old, just kind of floating around somewhere in the middle, so you almost feel invincible at times and yet you start to feel the gravity of where we are all ending up. 

Being sick and struggling to breathe help you look at each day a little differently, and it certainly helps you appreciate each breath you are able to take. Today I was able to take a road trip with some friends and my kids to Sacramento. We walked around Old Town Sacramento, perusing through shops and having lunch. It was a beautiful day spent with people I love, a day that I am very grateful for. I haven't always had a close knit group of friends, as I grew older I made friends through work and these friends have become my family. They are my tribe, the ones I lean on in tough times, the ones I laugh with, the ones that encourage me to follow my dreams, the ones who are there for me always. I never understood the importance of a tribe of people that are friends but I see now how important they are in my life, and I am so grateful for their friendship. 

When I got home, me and the kids starting watching a new TV show on Netflix and we spent three hours together, hanging out laughing and discussing the show and life in between. It is nights like this that fill me up with so much love and gratitude for our time together. As they are getting older and emerging into adulthood I know that I won't get as much of this time sooner than later. I am happy for them and excited for their future but I certainly cherish these nights with them. Where we are together, eating dinner and binge watching a new show. I am a lucky Mom, I don't take that for granted. 

Life is made up of these moments and days like the one I had. Spending money on little things in shops, talking with friends, enjoying a stroll through a little town, talking, laughing and singing on a two hour drive with my friends and kids. These are the moments that make up a well lived, happy life. These are the moments we create that we look back on with so much joy and love. Today reminded me that each day we have is such a privilege, and to be alive and breathing is the greatest gift of all. I am reminded to let go of the small things, the worries and the never ending list of things I need to get done, money I need to save, a house that needs cleaning, clothes that need washing, and the list goes on. Create your moments and memories, cherish this oh so short life we get to live. Every day is a gift, every moment a chance to create the life you love <3 Namaste :) 

Take a Walk

I have been sick for the last two weeks, and my cough has been insane! I am on steroids, antibiotics, an inhaler and lots of cough syrup, I am exhausted, but I made a commitment to getting outside and walking more. I love being outside and walking amongst the trees and feeling the warm sun on me, it is so healing and so meditative for me. So even though I feel like crap and it is hard to breathe my daughter and I met my friend in Truckee and we took a walk near Donner Lake. It was so beautiful, chilly at 32 degrees, but the sun was out and the trees were covered in snow, it was breathtaking. And I think it did my lungs some good. This year, the year of goals for me, I am trying to spend less and spend more time outside. Even on days that I can't walk too far or for too long just getting out feels so good. Little by little this cough will go away, and little by little I will walk farther and longer. Taking baby steps every day to be the best version of me. Get outside, be with nature, feel the earth beneath your feet, feel the cool air on your skin, the warmth of the sun - so healing! What are you doing to get back to you? Namaste :)

Starting with 5 minutes a day

I told myself I would start a daily meditation practice again this year. And I committed to 5 minutes a day this week. Meditation is a practice, the more you do it the better it gets, its exercise for the mind. The more you exercise with meditation, the easier it is to sit in stillness. I went to a week long silent meditation retreat a few years back, with no meditation practice I sat in meditation for at least three hours a day. I can tell you I went crazy, my mind was a chaotic mess and my body had every ache, pain and twitch that was possible. I reached a breaking point mentally and I wanted to run as far and as fast away from the retreat as possible, but alas, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere in Colorado. I had no other option but to finally let go of the resistance and surrender. It was an absolutely pure peace I had never felt before in my life. The three hours a day seemed easy and fulfilling. I sat in stillness and experienced things I had never experienced prior. I told myself I would continue my practice when I left....anyway....I am starting again to get to that place once more. Be kind to yourself, we all lose our practice sometimes, the important part is getting back to it. Discipline, mental discipline is my friend to get back to sitting for an hour at a time. Can you commit to it? Do it, for your own sanity, for your own peace and joy. Namaste :)

Back to writing, and my dreams

I have taken quite the hiatus in writing in this space, the space I enjoyed so much for a long time. I remembered that this all started to keep an online journal of my thoughts on life for my kids. And for the last couple years I have not put any focus on it. Perhaps it is time to get back to some things in life. I've had two years of putting my dreams aside, not because I had to, but because I got a bit side tracked working a new job for the County. I started seeing that the allure of a pension made sense, and I kept telling myself "Your 60 year old self with thank your 40 year old self for a pension", which has a lot of truth to it I am sure. You can still chase your dreams while making good financial decisions - I will say that again for myself - you can still chase your dreams while making good financial decisions. Phew, that is a hard one for me to grasp sometimes. I also took on a high stress job, dispatching! You work so much overtime, often you get one day off a week, working 12 hours shifts or more each day. The adrenaline rushes come every few minutes sometimes, I can't even fathom what that does to ones health....oh wait....yes I can!

This year I decided to set some goals, ones that I can look at long term, like five year goals, and ones that I can look at weekly. This has helped shift my focus to actually guiding my life instead of just responding to it. I have felt like that the last two years, like I have just responded to whatever comes up the best way I can. That has worked, until it just doesn't work. I switched jobs to one that gives me more 'me' time and one that has less adrenaline ups and downs. For the last six months it felt like I was detoxing and finally coming back to me. And my dreams of life are re-emerging with a gentle nudge, saying 'we are still here and you are still capable' - a beautiful and comforting feeling.

It is time to love and nourish myself again, and time to chase my dreams, but this time with setting goals. And as I reach those goals, celebrate them! I am trying to nourish my body back to health as well, it is a whole experience for me - mind, body and spirit. Each one depends on the other, and it is time to honor that once again. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed but I am also excited. I am starting with reading about plant based eating to help my body, bringing back meditation - a little each day to start, and then get back into a yoga practice. Kindness toward myself and all others - Namaste :)

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