Owning your story

I have been reading "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown, who has become such an inspiration and mentor through her stories and research. At the same time I am seeing a therapist who is helping me overcome some unresolved grief with living a co-dependent life. You see I grew up the daughter of alcoholics and prescription pill abuse. And I then married an addict. I have been a co-dependent for what seems my whole life. I broke the cycle many years ago, and since then have been cultivating my own life, my own story and my fierce love of vulnerability.

I have been scared for many years to own this story. To own who I am, and the life that I lived. Fear has led me for decades, and I am now digging in to the deepest parts of that story with my therapist. I am learning to not be a victim in life, but to be a creator of my own life. The struggles are challenging, and the inner roommate in my head doing her best to keep hold of the fear and the insecurity is sometimes loud and clear. But, the beauty through all of this, is owning my own story. My own mistakes in life, my own bad choices. I am beginning to embrace the imperfections of me, and loving them.

I have made some really bad choices, and for so long I hated myself for being imperfect. I am filled with shame triggers, and with fear that someone might actually find out that I am not perfect. As my therapist so eloquently and vehemently says "SO WHAT?" What if everyone found out, what if it was on the front page of the local paper, "SO WHAT?" I am imperfect, I have made mistakes, I have done things that I probably shouldn't have done....but you know what? I have also sought help, I have learned to love with my whole heart, I have learned to open myself up regardless of past hurts and be loved, I have lived joyously and painfully at times, but it has been worth every moment. I am doing my work both in therapy and in asking myself some hard questions and it has been incredible. I am meeting people who are the same as me, and we are going through things together. I have had people reach out to me when I needed strength, and I have reached out to people who need strength. It has been a beautiful journey, and through vulnerability I have found joy. If you have not read Brene Brown, well I highly suggest it to say the least. I am imperfect. I have made dumb choices. I am me, imperfectly and beautifully. I am learning to love me, which in turn helps me love others on a deeper level. Own your story, be brave. Namaste :)

Emerging

Emerging slightly above the mountain
Slowly brightening the world
Peeking above to see the dawn

Slowly rising illuminating the dark
As time goes on I rise higher and higher
Each day a new piece dawning

Finding the strength to shine
Appreciating the dark of yesterday
Emerging to a new way

Finding your strength and dawning a new life
Like the sun you rise
Shine your world with the brightness of your own light
~Cristina Alfaro

Courage to emerge from the dark, courage to set your soul on the journey of finding your strength and love. Namaste :)

Getting through the storms

Storms come through our lives now and again and sometimes it seems like you are so consumed by that storm that years pass by without knowing. Sometimes those storms are so great, that it seems you will never see the light of day again. How do we find our joy in that? How do we find the sun through the clouds. Sometimes we can't, sometimes we just need blind faith to get us through.

I struggle sometimes when I am working to live a peaceful and compassionate life, and challenges keep coming at me. It is hard not to react to people who lie about you, who try their best to "take you down" without understanding what that does to someone's psyche. In the end, I really think it is an opportunity to find who we are. It helps us understand our triggers, and what darkness is still residing deep inside us. In the end, it is our chance to show yourself compassion and kindness. What if you broke down and let all the tears flow, all the anger fly out? Human emotions are within us, there is no denying that. So be kind when your emotions are flooding out, but don't react to people or situations, find the space to do it yourself or with someone who is close to you, to sit and hold your hand.

It is okay, but when you are done and you are exhausted find the light. Find what drives you to be who you are. Be kind to yourself, and remember we are all made of what universes are made of. You are okay, you are loved, and you will get through the storm a better you. Keep your focus on what matters, and focus on being a beautiful light shining in this world. Namaste :)

We Need Help (Some late Friday thoughts)

We need help sometimes, to strengthen our spirit. It's okay to need help. How often do we try and be strong enough to take on so much, all the time. Where do we gain our strength? It is within, it is connecting to the deepest part of our higher self, through silence or prayer that we can find peace. Sometimes our roads and journeys become so fogged by so many things that we just need help. It does not make you weak, it does not mean you are incapable sometimes we just need help.

As a student in the last year of my Bachelor's program, I am seeing how strong it is to seek help. When we have the courage to seek assistance, we honor ourselves and the light within. We are human beings traveling this physical world and sometimes we just need help. I am studying to become a marriage/family therapist, and guess what, I need help. I started back in therapy this last month because I noticed I needed some help navigating a situation that was hooking me. I am blessed to have found a therapist that is right for me at this time. You see if we honor what we feel inside, we are put on the path to find the people that we need at the exact right time.

I am so glad I got help, and for everyone help has a different meaning. Meditation, prayer, yoga, working out, running, spending a weekend unplugged, writing, painting, creating...but at some point we all need help. Reaching out and recognizing this is so courageous and beautiful, it is not shameful. We have so many people who give their lives to helping people find their strength, their courage and their soul, we just have to look and seek help. I am in a space right now where meditation, therapy and quiet is needed, and that is okay. Honor yourself, honor your soul and do what your soul is asking. Find peace, strength and joy. We go through seasons, and maybe right now you are doing great, but remember when you are feeling overwhelmed, or stuck, or sad or just plain horrible seek help. We grow up in a society where getting help is a sign of weakness, but the tides are changing, I see it every day. People are seeking peace and journeying within more and more, honoring themselves. Namaste :)

Free yourself

Free yourself from the chains that bind
Free yourself from the stress of life
Free yourself from the cage and fly

Live this life filled with love
Allow the beauty of hope to fill your heart
Radiate love for all beings
Let go of the ego and mind

Free yourself from the chaos inside
Free yourself from the darkness
Free yourself from the veil around you

Look up and see the sky
Watch the birds fly and sing
Watch the trees stand tall and dance
Fill your soul with laughter and breathe, breathe
~ Cristina Alfaro

As these words came to me I felt the need to release and connect with nature. Breathe in the air and soul of the trees, let the birds show you how to fly and move with grace, wisdom and intuition. Connect with nature, connect with soul. Let your heart lead and breathe, just breathe. Moments like this help you connect with your soul and the divine. Find your moments. Namaste :)

Appreciating this moment

I often let the worry of tomorrow get to me, and I was reminded today to just live in the now. There are plenty of worries that are filling our minds, but when we are able to enjoy the moment, life becomes so much more joyful. With the holidays coming up so many of us worry about money, time, and we forget to appreciate our now. I love this time of year, it is a time that me, my husband and kids spend time together and get gifts that are meaningful and thoughtful. We have fun, and I have to say I have never appreciated life more than right now.

I have things to worry about too, that is for sure but I don't want to give that my energy. I meditate, of course I should meditate more, to help me slow down and enjoy the peace of silence. It gives me a chance to reset and enjoy the moment of now. I am loved, I am joyous, I am creative, I am living the life I always dreamed of and more. Take time for yourself in quiet. Take a bath with soft music and candle light, do a meditation in a quiet space, take some time to sit out in nature, or even sit and enjoy a cup of good coffee in the morning. There is no use wasting the joy of now and borrowing the stress of worrying about everything else. It all works out in the end, it always does. What will you do today to spend a few minutes in quiet and peace?

Changing your inner dialogue, changing your life

When I started to think that I needed to change my life for the better, I was overwhelmed at where to start. I have always been a dreamer, and I love that piece of me. So many people told me to just settle down and stop dreaming so much. I had no idea what that even meant, dreaming is a part of the fabric of me. I love dreaming of places to go, things to do, people to meet, and a life that is so happy and free. I started by changing my thoughts. Louise Hay taught me this in her book, You Can Heal Your Life. Every thought was a deliberate creation of my future, and my words were as well.

I noticed how often I thought negative and stressful thoughts, and I was shocked at how often I spoke the words of these negative thoughts. My mind was filled with I am not enough, I can’t do that, I am not smart enough, I don’t have the money, I don’t have the time and it just kept going on and on. And as she so perfectly explains, our thoughts and our words are creating the future, that is universal law. The energy we put out, we get back. Well no wonder things weren’t working out, everything I thought and said was coming from lack, never from abundance. So how was I going to get to abundance? That seemed like an impossible task to turn my thoughts so easily.

It started with affirmations. What did I really want? Well I started out with a few that would begin the journey within: I am enough, I am abundant, I am creative, the universe is conspiring in my favor, I am filled with positive energy. These sat on my dashboard for months. And what I noticed was, I started believing it. And once I started believing it, I started to see the manifestation of it. I encourage you, if you are just starting out, to write down some of the things that you are thinking. No judgments just let the thoughts roll out. See which ones are negative, and turn them into a positive. If you are saying “I am always broke” then write down the opposite of that: “I have plenty of money for what I need and want” or “The money in my account is increasing constantly”. Put it somewhere you can see it every morning, maybe in your car or on your bathroom mirror. Soon you will start believing it, then you will start living it. It all starts with your thoughts and your words. If you have been doing this for a while, then manifest something you have been wanting for some time, by following this as well. When you start reading it, imagine as if you already had it. Whatever “it” is - love, money, health? Start today, you will feel so much better very soon! Namaste :)